%Year3000

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Sometimes (fuck this font is so ugly )
okay whatever .
Sometimes , I wish people would stop thinking my life is so fucking easy .
Because to be honest , its NOT .
So just STFU
You think its so nice to be here , away from home
and I have to wait another 2 months to go home
People get to go home during mid-term
and thats in 16 days
They get to countdown , I DON'T
You don't know that everyday , I'm worrying
worrying worrying
Worrying that I don't have enough for this and that ,
Worrying that I don't have a place to go for a break
Worrying that I don't have enough things to bring for a camping trip

You think its nice to see people getting packages from their parents, their grandparents ?
The time I got called to reception ?
My signature on a form was too small , the lady did'nt know whether I really signed it or not , so I had to go back to sign it bigger again
You think its so nice to sit in my room , while I see people getting visited by their parents ,
or you think its nice , to maybe
I don't know , be the only one with a bare empty room , simply because I could'nt carry all the stuff that I needed overseas on my wall ?
You think its so very nice to not have a single person in the same country as you ?
The nearest person I have to me is my sister
she's eight hours away from me ,
and thats by plane ride
Yes. The states
You think its easy to stick out like a sore thumb
because you're a nerdy stupid asian ?
All you think of is
"Oh she gets to see 'hot' ang-moh guys'
'Oh the campus looks like a resort'
'Your school days are so short !'
'Your class is so fun !'
'Your friends are so cute ! '

I'm so tired of this already .
You have no idea how I try to make it look awesome and beautiful , because I don't want anyone to worry about m e
You have no idea , of the bad things that happen to me , because i only tell you about the good things.
The only reason I keep staying here , facing my fears at night , adapting to this new place , this new weather , having the fear of losing myself in this place, and not running back home, is because I believe what my parents are doing for me is good for me
As it is , I have already agreed with them the first minute I stepped into the school
Being here for a month , I've already done so many things I would never have done if I were to stay at home .
I've went camping .
I've had the time of my life
I've had real bonfires
I've known the whole grade personally
I've walked from class to class everyday
I've met different people
I've been the odd one out
I've been more respected in my class , and not being the black sheep that pulls down the class average like before.
I've tried volleyball
i've did theatre productions
I've done rowing
I've ran through the rain on a rainy night
I've made all the choiced myself
I've solved all my problems myself
I've been away from home for a month
I've been out of my bed for a month
I've been deprived of home food for a month
I've been out canoeing , to an island .
I've been able to let nature forget my problems
I've met more people I could talk to
I've talked to strangers on the street , of which I have never seen before

All these , I would never have done if I were to stay at home .

So whatever it is , I'm staying , I'm finding myself .
I'm becoming more independent .
I might be a loser runnning away from the problems at home , but at least I'm learning something .
Something that opens my eyes to the world out there .
At least I see it now , rather than being protected forever , and then becoming shocked when you actually realise it.
Its not easy , I have to try hard , as always .
It never is .
If you think I'm having a good time ?
When I'm complaining , you bitch on me because you think I can't appreciate it ?
Well , everything that happens here , I worked for it .
I've learnt that things are not made in heaven
Your path , every single part of it , down to the last speck of dirt ,
will be made of the paint that comes out of the paintbrush you are holding in your hand .

& Aetheline signed off @ 20:24